BALTIMORE, MARYLAND — Graduate student researchers made a major breakthrough in the glassware sciences this week, confirming the absence of a Y chromosome in a double rocks glass. Instead, they found a second X chromosome, confirming the DOF glass a female glass. This new revelation disproves a previous study [conducted by some dude at table 16], which concluded that the Double Old Fashioned Glass was, in fact, a manly glass.
“This is obviously huge news for, not only us, but those in the stirred, down cocktail community,” a spokesperson for the university said in a press release this afternoon. “We understand this comes as a shock to many.”