WASHINGTON, DC — Millions of Americans took a break from desperately needing Covid-19 financial relief to witness the swearing in of a new Supreme Court Justice of the United States. This confirmation did not come after long deliberation, and – according to one GOP representative we spoke to on the scene tonight – happened with the aid of a local restaurant host.
“Yeah, we brought Amelia on as a consultant to our committee after dining out last month to celebr… er… mourn the death of the late, great Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg,” he recounted. “We noticed how fast she was able to flip our table and get us seated in the heat of a dinner service.”
Amelia jumped in, “It was mostly just intimidation and briber..”
“My uh, seat was still warm when we sat down! We wanted to know how she did it!” a Republican Senator interrupted her nervously. “This is the kind of energy we needed. So we offered her a job right there.”