ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI — These are unsettling times for everyone, and the marketing department at Anheuser-Busch is not immune to this. “Just when we get one ad approved and …
Uncle Mark Drops Secret to Good Manhattan In Your Cocktail Video Comments, ‘A Little Cherry Juice’
KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE — Local bartender Alicia Bolton has been very active on social media during this pandemic, taking part in any paid cocktail video that comes her way. So naturally, …
REPORT—Some Comedian At Table 32 Wondering How You Expect Them To Eat This
BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA — All communities are moving back to normalcy at different speeds. Some are embracing masks and distancing rules, ensuring we only make this transition once. Others are children …
Global Pandemic Miraculously Ends As Area Woman Grows Bored of Hearing About It
TAMPA, FLORIDA — Most states have relaxed COVID-19 regulations this week. From our perspective, the general public is ecstatic to molt that quarantine shell, blossoming into beautiful butterflies of plague. …
Satire Writers Baffled When Wacky “Applebees Catfishes Community Via Grubhub” Idea Happens In Real Life
DRY ERASE BOARD, NEWSROOM — We are coming to you LIVE from inside the HQ of local fledgling bar industry satire site The Daily Expo, where the line between reality …
Local Tough Guy Bartender Not Worried About Pandemic, ‘I’ve Taken Smoke Breaks Longer Than This’
QUEENS, NEW YORK — Most of the country’s service industry is still out of work, and those who are working are doing so in (what is supposed to be) 20-30% …
DEVELOPING STORY — Fanning If You Any Fang Elf Bright Now? Gleam? Shurg?
SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS — As states move into reopening phases, and we all take a step closer to each other, the growing pains are apparent. Communication is tricky. Humans are …
OP-ED: If A Glass Breaks And This Gang Isn’t There To Applaud, Does It Make A Noise?
CLEVELAND, OHIO — Tremont native, Josué Martin, used to slam out rounds of drinks on service well, but now slams out Google Navigation directions for cocktail delivery at his restaurant. …
Local Woman Reportedly ‘Super Stoked’ About Bars Reopening With Strict Distancing Rules
KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI — Kansas City Mayor Quinton Lucas said Friday that the city will go ahead with its reopening plan next Friday. We spoke with local resident, Louisa Rollins, …
‘Ah, Just Where I Left Them!’ Reports Point Bartender, Staring at Pile of Tins in Wrecked Sink
ORLANDO, FLORIDA — Some states in the US are taking active steps to reopen their bars and restaurants, and Florida is aggressive on the list. Alicia Kalani’s bar and restaurant …
HOLY COW — Fledgling Bar Industry Satire Site Somehow Lands Spirited Award Nomination
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — The Tales of the Cocktail Foundation released their Top-10 Nominations for the 2020 Spirited Awards this morning, and the fledgling bar industry satire site, The Daily …
EDITORIAL — Sure A Paycheck Was Nice, But I Miss The Chaos Most of All
AT HOME — “In time like these…,” is a phrase I keep reading, as if anybody has a fucking clue what they’re talking about. Humans are tattered worldwide. …
Uncle Mark Wondering If You’ve Ever Made Anything Good With Gin, Bought Some
TAMPA, FLORIDA — We heard from Uncle Mark this afternoon, who was at it again, making cocktails for himself and Aunt Marg. His home bar has expanded, and with that …
NEW STUDY Shows Cocktail Much Better After 3-4 Big Stabs With Straw
HYDE PARK, NEW YORK — The Culinary Institute of America has released a study this week, confirming suspicions of happy hour guests around the world. “Like bicycles and magnets, …
Local Server Takes Opportunity To Learn Cooking Terms She Has Been Spewing For Years
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH — Rhonda Stevens has been a professional server for nearly a decade, and at Nino Bistro for the last 4. Nino’s is the premier downtown institution …
Area Henchmen Reclaim Converted Industrial Spaces Amid Restaurant Closures, Speak Out on Gentrification of Hideouts
DETROIT, MICHIGAN — The COVID way of life has been a transition for all. Some people, like local henchmen Katya and Dimitri, are finding ways to reconnect with themselves and …
Local Bartender’s Super Woke Online Persona Stoked to Finally 86 Problematic In-Person Self
FRESNO, CALIFORNIA — Getting to where you want to be personally and professionally can prove to be a minefield of pitfalls and thorny shrubbery. Everyone is standing in your way. …
“Yeah, F*ck Shake Shack!” Screams Masked Ruth’s Chris From Back of Angry Mob
WINTER PARK, FLORIDA — Since they accepted a reported $20mil in PPP small business loans, Ruth’s Chris name has popped up a few times around the Expo newsroom. So we …
Roommate Apparently Released All Their Dish Shifts
KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI — “Does he even live here anymore? It’s like his third no-call, no-show,” Asher’s roommate, Ava, commented this morning. “Look, he rinses them and stacks them so …
Uncle Mark Wondering If You’ve Had This Peanut Butter Whiskey He Bought, Good Stuff
DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA — Uncle Mark isn’t afraid to try something new, and that adventurous spirit typically manifests itself at the liquor store. He has a secret weapon though, a …
‘Eh!? Once More In My Good Ear!’ Says Employees Only to News of Spirited Award Nomination
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — Many bar owners awoke this morning to thrilling news, as the Tales of the Cocktail Foundation’s Spirited Award Regional Honorees were announced. Social media took a …