BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA — Similar to civil liberties, opposing views on public health can not simply agree to disagree.  The concepts affect us all.  Often though, a person with incorrect views on public health is more likely to be negatively affected by their choices themselves.  That is not the case with our current situation, where a careless person is directly negatively affecting those around them.


“Masks are just part of the liberal agenda, you know,” area diner Karen Winters said to her server after being given a mask to wear when ordering. “You people need to wake up. This is just another effort to undermine our president’s on an election year!  This is all orchestrated by radical left media!”


Ms. Winters reportedly lazily held the mask to her face while the server took her order – a sirloin steak, well but not dry.  She was later spotted trying to talk to a nearby table, maskless, to get empathy for the injustices she just received in the establishment.


As press time, we received word that she has since tested positive for getting the f*ck out of the restaurant immediately, before she had a chance to get around to her opinions on #blacklivesmatter.


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