MINNETONKA, MINNESOTA — UnitedHealth Group (UNH) announced yesterday that, due to a forecasted increase in demand for treatment of Kold Draft Shoulder [KDS], they are now offering supplementary coverage that lowers long-term costs for treatment of the condition. 


“We’ve geared this new program to benefit those susceptible to the condition in the long term.  Every time you ram an ice scoop in the bin and hit a snag, it’s like a car wreck for your body.  To aid in this, we’ve expanded our benefits for compression tape, physical therapy, and the inevitable full shoulder replacement.”


Competing health insurance provider, Humana Inc, responded this morning with news that they are also working on similar coverage.


“We’re putting the final touches on our supplementary ‘Hoshizaki Elbow’ plan that, we believe, to be both cheaper and more reliable for everyday care.”


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