AMERICA, USA — Wall Street analysts were floored during cocktail bar Death & Company’s quarterly stockholder earnings report this afternoon.  The event was held on a live audio stream hosted by Market Watch.


“We’re thrilled to announce an addition to our corporate team. After a lengthy interview process, we’ve hired former Planet Fitness COO Earl Davidson to join the team and continue to grow our vision,” a representative for the bar announced this afternoon.


“With every other bar opening their 2nd, 3rd locations, we knew we needed to take it to the next level. Earl brings like a hundred years or something of franchise experience, with accolades at Applebees, Walgreens, and most recently Planet Fitness.  We’re throwing many exciting ideas around — like crayons and kids menus for over-served patrons, cocktail referral incentives, and even one of those nifty guest rewards cards for your keychain.”


They hinted at further growth with a playful hint in the last line of the live stream.


“Look out for franchise information soon on how to open your very own Death & Company in your city!”


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