ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI — These are unsettling times for everyone, and the marketing department at Anheuser-Busch is not immune to this.


“Just when we get one ad approved and into production, another news blackout event happens that takes precedence,” a 20-year executive of the company told us over Zoom. “Can someone brief me on this latest thing? Did something happen to one of our men in blue? Are we at war with China now?”


Big Beer has long been known to peddle comfort in turbulent times by perpetuating the idea of alcohol dependence in a super classy way. This practice is universal and fine [writer steps aside to crack a cold one], but lately it’s been difficult to pinpoint exactly what angle they need to pitch. 


“It’s just one thing after another. We can’t keep up,” the executive went on. “Just show them the horses galloping through the heartland again. But slow-mo it to 50% this time. I want to see the dust kick up when the hoofs hit the ground. Then put a message of platitude over it that starts with ‘In these trying times’.”


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