NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT — A group of Anthropological Scientists at the New England Council for Beverage Industry Oversight released a startling study this past Monday.  

 

“We obviously did not believe the results at first. So we retested,” Olga Weinstein told us yesterday at their New Haven facility, which is littered with steel catwalks, ominous billowing steam, and green florescent test tubes. She pulled a set of Coke-bottle eyeglasses from her white lab coat, and showed us the dot matrix printouts.

 

“As you’ll see here, if the current trajectory continues, we will hit red by early 2021.  The supply and demand of Brand Ambassador jobs will then instantly flip, creating a devastating shift that the industry has never seen. We will eventually see bartenders paying brands to represent them,” Olga told us with a grave tone.

 

“This may sound like a shock, but we’re already seeing this shift happen in the cocktail competition circuit. Bartenders are forking out thousands to compete in these competitions, essentially performing all of the Brand Ambassador duties in the interim. This is just the beginning.”

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