WASHINGTON, DC — After a crazy rollercoaster week in politics, we may have relief on the way. 


“Daryl is going to take care of it,” advised local bartender Alyssa Johnson while doubling the grenadine in a Pan Am Clipper cocktail in a to-go cup. “He’s a rockstar when it comes to de-escalation and 86ing problematic shitheads.”


“Don’t forget the extra cherries!” Daryl yelled from the door, getting ready to walk across the street to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.


At press time, Daryl was reportedly seen outside the gate saying – “I don’t give a fuck if your friends are still in there. You’re not getting back in.”


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